Baltimoree -> Dover -> Minneapolis -> Fredericksburg -> Richmond -> Taipei -> Richmond. "No matter how low you are, there's always someone to look down upon."
I don’t think I can love someone who doesn’t like or even appreciate mustard.
*Cleaning out random/outdated stuff on my computer, I found a random script for a short film I wrote for fun about what it’s probably like having Thanksgiving with Leo Gallagher. I figured why not so here it is; enjoy.*
A Gallagher Thanksgiving:
Ron, Leo Gallagher’s brother, is hosting Thanksgiving this year and decided to invite his brother, Leo.
Leo is a prop comic who retired due to medical issues, but still believes he still has his old magic and thinks he’s still funny, but no one in the family seems to get his jokes.
*Leo walks into the kitchen eating a banana, smacking his lips, as Ron stuffs the turkey.*
Leo (loudly): HEY RON WHATCHA DOIN THERE?
Ron (annoyed): *sigh* Im stuffing the turkey Leo
Leo (louder): OH HEY I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT HAHAHAHAAA (spitting banana all over the turkey)I’VE STUFFED MY FAIR SHARE OF TURKEYS THERE RON. THIS ISN’T MY FIRST RODEO.
Ron (quiet, but angry): Goddammit Leo look what you did. *Sighs* I gotta go talk to Marie and see how the veggies on the grill are coming. Could use please make yourself useful and clean up your mess and
finish stuffing this? It would really mean a lot to me if you helped for once.
Leo (pausing at first, then, with a sly smile): Oh. Ohh okay Ron. I’ll take care of it, I’ll make sure this Thanksgiving is a blast.
Ron (patting Leo’s back): Thank you so much Leo I’ll be back in a few minutes.
*Leo begins stuffing the turkey, and looks over his shoulder after a few seconds. He turns back around and cackles, stuffing faster.*
*Fade to black, we return with Leo placing the cooked and properly stuffed turkey in the center of the table. Everyone “oohs and aahhs” at how gorgeous the turkey looks ans smells.*
Ron (to Leo): Thanks brother. I couldn’t have done it without you. The turkey looks great. Would you like to carve the turkey? It’d be an honor.
Leo (mockingly shy): Oh Ron I shouldn’t. Besides, I didn’t help that much, I’d feel more comfortable if you did all the carving.
Ron (appreciative): Wow Leo, I was wrong about you, you sure have grown up a lot since you’ve retired.
*Leo smiles big and rolls his eyes as his brother begins to carve the turkey.*
Leo (plugging his ears, squinting, and yelling): YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THAT!?!?!?!?!
Ron (confused): What? Do What?
*The turkey explodes and splatters all over the Gallagher family, including Ron and Leo, destroying the Thanksgiving centerpiece and the rest of the room with it*
Leo (laughing uncontrollably): SEE!!?! I TOLD YOU THIS THANKSGIVING WOULD BE A BLAST HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Ron (covered in turkey and stuffing, pissed beyond words): GODAMMIT LEO GALLAGHER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE GET THE
FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS.
MY BARE FUCKING HANDS LEO.
Leo (crying and laughing so much it hurts, crawls his way to the bathroom, where he props himself over the toilet, and kicks the door closed. The sound of puking and laughing can be heard as the credits roll).